After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
