i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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