I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
