I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
