the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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