pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
