I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
