I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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