i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
