I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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