i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
