So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
