I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
