you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize