do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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