I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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