Duck Duck Cougar?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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