i barfeds in our rink
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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