Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
