Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
