im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
