There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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