I just saw a hot homeless man
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
