Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize