Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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