Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
