My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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