new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
