HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
