worst night to have a conscience
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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