you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
