he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
