My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize