oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
