i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
