He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
