We're facebook friends in real life
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
