One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we're so committed to being not committed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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