So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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