she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
