i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
operation have a gay friend backfired
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize