I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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