so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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