i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
