Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize