I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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