Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
