Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
