so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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