so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
