dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
