Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
