Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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