I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
