You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize