Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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