The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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