Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
