she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
