***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
