omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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