from now on my penis is your penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
