yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
