Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
