i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
