You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
