i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
