shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
