Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
