Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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