I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
