i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize