I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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