When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
