how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
