Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
