you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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