You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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