she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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