He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
